In Praise of Solitude

“Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature.”
-Albert Einstein

Solitude is a gift to the elder. At earlier stages of life we had other tasks. Now is the time to look inward, to harvest the riches of our experience, to find peace in the now, exactly as it is. In younger years being alone was often filled with anxiety and apprehension. We would do anything to avoid the looking within that comes with being on one’s own. Maybe we didn’t yet have the skills to explore inner spaces. Now, in solitude, we can.

“It is only in solitude that I ever find my own core.”
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh

The words come from the same Latin root, cor, which means heart. To know our own hearts we must be alone with that heart, in solitude, most likely in silence, so that we can hear that ‘still small voice’. We cannot hear the quiet, internal whisper in the midst of our busy lives, filled with commitments and people and noise. In order to hear it we must tune ourselves to that voice amidst the clamour of X and WhatsApp and news feeds. Instead, solitude allows us to step into an uncommon space, one that is chosen, with awareness.

There is no doubt that solitude, as glorious as it can be, is not always comfortable or easy. There may be days when this choice is filled with tears or anger or boredom. These too are our days, no one else’s. They live in our core. We confront them solo, with no one to talk to about them at the exact moment of heartbreak.

Solitude reveals what we might choose to keep hidden. In solitude we create the opportunity to come to terms with, to truly accept, all the bits of ourselves that we don’t like, that we don’t want others to see, our shadow. Here we find our vengeful self, our dishonest self, our irritable self. These parts are as much a part of us as their partners—our merciful self, our truthful self, our tolerant self. In solitude we have the favourable conditions to ask the questions we usually avoid: Who am I without my title, my position, my experiences? Who am I when I am simply me? Who am I when I am naked to myself?

“[B]ehind the facade of your life
There is something beautiful and eternal happening.”
-John O’Donohue

In solitude we go behind the mask we have created in order to see our wholeness. Solitude invites us into the real, into the truth of who we are behind the facade we all wear in order to live in our communities, our families, our relationships. O’Donohue asks us to step into “something beautiful” that is happening behind the mask. He trusts that beauty simply is within each of us. We don’t need to do anything special. We can relax into the sanctuary that allows us to see that stunning beauty for ourselves.

Though solace and solitude have different derivations–solace from the Latin verb sōlārī to give comfort, console; solitude: from the Latin noun solitudo, to be alone–they resonate in English. In solitude we can find solace. By connecting with our deep core, our true self, we can find solace and comfort from our personal troubles and the conflicts in the outer world, those that worry us and cause sleepless nights. Here, in the quiet of our alone time, we can find what truly supports us, what truly connects us with all beings. Here we find our one-ness.

In this time of stillness, we might discover that, though people are not all the same, we can find our commonalities. We all suffer, we all weep, we all hope, we all laugh. Filled as our days are with the affairs of our personal lives and the affairs of the headlines, we have little time to connect, little space to recognise our unity. Only in solitude, be it for five minutes or a five-day retreat, can we truly touch and be touched by that energy—the spark of life, the universe, nature—that unites all beings. When we are not distracted, we can connect. Solitude gives us that opportunity.

To step into a moment of solitude is a choice toward our wholeness. It is from this space of completeness we can serve others, be truly in relationship. In solitude our hearts open to all of who we are … all the grief, all the joy, all the fear, all the courage, all the anger and all the peace.

“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others.”
— Bell Hooks

You can find more of Felice’s writing on her Substack at https://felicerhiannon.substack.com.