What Community and Belonging Mean to Me – A Later Year & Mid-Life Perspective

A community elder and a middle-aged member each share their personal journeys to find connection and a sense of belonging in this article.

Introduction

The need for community is fundamental, like food and sleep, and drives our search for belonging. This hunger influences the friendships and groups we choose whether positive or not. We know that lack of belonging can lead to shorter lifespans, higher dementia risk, and mental health issues. And as reported, today many struggle with a ” due to difficulty finding supportive communities.

So, how do we come to feel like we belong? In addition to finding the “right” communities, true belonging comes from feeling seen, heard, and accepted for our authentic selves. This quote from Brené Brown in her book Braving the Wilderness addresses “true belonging.”

“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”

The Search for Belonging:  A Later Years Perspective (Nancy Hutter)

As a single woman in my mid-70s, the importance of community has grown steadily as I have aged.

My childhood was spent in a lively neighborhood where families bonded effortlessly, and everyone was a familiar face. Those experiences left an indelible mark on me, instilling a passion for finding connection wherever I went. Yet, as I navigated adulthood—moving through college and facing the aftermath of a divorce—I found myself still searching for that elusive sense of togetherness. Each step along the way only made me more determined to rediscover what I’d lost and rebuild that sense of community.

When I relocated to Florida at the start of the pandemic, forging new connections became my mission. I experimented with everything from attending local worship services and meetups to immersing myself in retreats. An unexpected turning point came when I joined Sage-ing in a Wisdom Circle, eventually volunteering on several teams. These experiences awakened a feeling of belonging within the Sage-ing Community, even if my non-CSL (Certified Sage-ing Leader) status sometimes left me feeling like an outsider. Thankfully, that changed recently, and although I no longer participate in a Wisdom Circle, I’ve found joy—and faced loss—with a team I truly cherish. Yet I longed for deeper in-person bonds.

Determined to connect, I pushed myself to join new gatherings and meetings, eventually stumbling upon Unitarian Universalism (“UU”) and its local congregation. UU’s open-minded, socially conscious approach resonated with me, welcoming all and drawing inspiration from diverse spiritual traditions. Their core principles—honoring the worth of every individual, promoting justice, and encouraging a free search for truth—felt refreshingly inclusive.

Now, I’m a regular at Sunday services, and the friendships I’ve formed through volunteering have brought real warmth and belonging into my life. The UU and Sage-ing communities are filled with people whose progressive, compassionate values mirror my own. With them, I’ve found a true home—a circle of kindred spirits who lift each other up and celebrate what it means to belong in a space where it is just a bit easier to be your authentic self.

The Search for Community: A Mid-Life Perspective (Anna Wisehart)

As a child growing up in a rural California town in the 1980’s, I struggled to find long-term friends and was often teased by the popular kids. At home, my parents’ marital and mental health problems left me with little room to take up space. To combat my loneliness, I turned to books and my imagination. These “friends” exposed me to a world of adventures, moral messages, and characters whose personas I could try on as I sought to define who I was in the world.

In high school I learned how to “fit in” by closely observing other girls. I eventually found a group of friends but was careful to only show glimpses of my true self as I feared that I would be perceived as “too much.” The first community where I felt truly seen and accepted was my college marching band, and thankfully that community extended into an alumni band that I joined after graduation. It took me years to slowly allow myself to reveal parts that I had long kept hidden, but the results were well worth it; in this community I met my husband and a group of friends that over the course of 20 years has become my social network, parenting village, and non-blood family.

Despite this, I realized in my mid-30’s that I wasn’t being fully authentic. And the reason was that I didn’t truly belong to MYSELF.

In the decade since, I have worked hard to unravel and let go of unhealthy social narratives that I had accepted as truth, judgmental comments from my past, and the stories I had told myself about what I needed to accomplish to be worthy of love and belonging. Through this inner work and my regular morning meditation practice I have been able to strengthen my relationship with myself, which has in turn deepened my long-term friendships. Additionally, I have formed beautiful new multi-generational connections through my increased involvement in Sage-ing International.

Now, as I continue to grow, I see that belonging is not something to be earned but something to be remembered — a homecoming to my own heart. The journey hasn’t been easy, but it has been profoundly freeing. I no longer seek to fit in; I seek to live fully, truthfully, and unapologetically as myself.